Ladies and Online Dating:
Women Should Make the First Move

OKCupid Study

A recent study from dating site OKCupid discovered that men were often more likely to send the first message. This trend showed itself to be true among female users of all ages, who have sent a median of three to four messages. Men’s, on the other hand, were nine to 15. This often depended on age. According to Jimena Almendares, OKCupid’s Chief Product Officer, the company was rather surprise by their project’s results.

"There was clearly a unique opportunity specifically for women on OkCupid when it came to messaging first," she said.

Licensed psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser stated that a lot of women are still holding onto the old-fashioned dating traditions, such as waiting for the man to make the first move.

"Fear and rejection are feelings that go along with that," Kaiser said.

Such findings show a stark contrast to the idea that most young women are simply taking part in the hookup culture, propagated by apps like Tinder. Swiping right is, however, one thing: but sending the first message is most certainly another and is seen as men’s work. Perusing Twitter does show that there are women who advocate making the first move, though there are many more who shy away from it.

"Why do women have to make the first move? To a certain extent that's not the woman's job -- in terms of chivalry (which this generation lacks)" – one irate Twitter user moaned.

"Ladies if you want a certain man go get them... Who cares if women aren't supposed to make the first move, go get what you want," another shot back.

Women in online dating can most certainly increase their chances of landing a date by getting the first message out of the way. Almendares backs this up, as OKCupid analyzed the attractiveness of men with whom female singles were having conversations with after the first post. According to their result, median attractiveness reached the 6.6 percentile points. ‘Attractiveness’ in this case included looking good, having photos that were engaging and a profile that intrigued.

"So even if women select the best from their inbox, it's likely they are settling and going on a date [with] someone less attractive," Almendares revealed, “More importantly, because very few women message first, those that do stand out."

The study also showed that 30% of first messages that a women sent would end up turning into a conversation. Women are 2.5 times more likely to receive a response than men are. “Sometimes women should make the first move. It adds a little excitement,” one male Twitter user said.